There’s an old saying among scientists that “you have bullsh**, bullsh** squared, then cosmology.” Now we know what bullsh** to the fourth power is: Theories about why the Large Hadron Collider is having some startup issues.

Both of the authors of this absurd paper, Holger Bech Nielsen and Maseo Ninomiya have actual employers: the Neils Bohr Institute and the Yukawa Institute For Theoretical Physics.

From my point of view, a project as large and complex as the Large Hadron Collider is certain to have issues upon startup. Nothing that I’ve read about their troubles indicate problems beyond material quality and assembly issues. Due to the complexity of the instrument and the extremely low temperatures it must use, there are long times associated with cycling the sections needed for repair up to room temperature and then down to operating temperature. But these two think that the instrument is being sabotaged from the future.

For another article, this time in the NY Times, click here.

Are these guys the Heene family of physics, or is this an elaborate hoax to make mainstream science reporting look bad, like Alan Sokal’s famous prank in 1996 of Social Text? I’m leaning toward the Heene family likeness. String Theorists make me itchy.